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IMPORTANT:
PLEASE READ BEFORE PROCEDING
By exploring this web site, you
certify that you have read, understand and agree to all the terms and
conditions stated herein. You further certify that you are of legal
age and sound mind and under no pressure, duress or other restriction
that would prevent you from being able to calmly and rationally enter
into this agreement or to click on the links provided. If you do not
agree to these terms and conditions, you must leave this site immediately,
shut down your computer, and run out to the street whilst screaming
and waving your arms. If you proceed, this agreement will be deemed
agreed to by you.
TERMS AND CONDITIONS
Our records show that you may
have previously been selected to receive the annual holiday mailing
(hereinafter called "DorseyCard") of Dorsey Productions, Inc.
(hereinafter called "Company"), or may wish to view DorseyCard
via this internet web site.
1. Qualification
DorseyCard is mailed to a recipient
once each year, until such time as any such recipient ceases to be
a favorable friend, business contact, associate, vendor to or client
of Company, or to have a reasonably good sense of humor. DorseyCard
is also available on a limited-access basis for viewing on the internet
by people with the same qualifications as stated above. You understand
and agree that favored status is determined solely by Company, according
to guidelines established by Company from time to time, and subject
to change without notice. Company is under no obligation to disclose
such guidelines to you. You agree to make no challenge to Company's
determination of your favorableness, and expressly waive all rights
to a trial (whether or not by jury), arbitration, and/or any argumentative
assertion, opinion, comment or reaction by any manner of information
conveyance, whether public or private, conducted in person or otherwise,
by any physical, mental or technological means now known or yet to
be discovered or invented (including but not limited to telephone,
telegraph, television, radio, electronic mail, recordings of any type,
suggestive gestures or facial expressions, body language, telepathy
or any other behavior), whether in real-time or delayed, which may
be construed by any person, animal or living entity, reasonable or
otherwise, to be indicative of any disappointment in, imply distaste
for, or cause or contribute to any detrimental result to the reputation,
property, goodwill, business endeavors, and/or any employee(s), officer(s),
or agents of Company.
2. No Guarantee
DorseyCard is delivered on
an "as-is" basis. No warranty of any kind is expressed or
implied. Past performance is no guarantee of future results. You agree
to receive and/or view DorseyCards without expectation, anticipation,
or implication of fitness for any particular purpose or use. You agree
that DorseyCards will be completely and thoroughly satisfying to you.
3. Delivery
Company is under no obligation
to deliver DorseyCard. You agree that receipt and/or display of DorseyCards
in the past shall not be interpreted by you as construing or implying
any obligation on behalf of Company to deliver additional or future
DorseyCards. Company is not responsible for tracking you down. You
agree to notify Company in writing (at the address below) at least
ninety (90) days prior to year end if you change your address, or
if you do not wish to receive DorseyCard. Further, you agree to reimburse
Company for postage or other delivery, tracking or research expense,
including any and all attorney and/or private investigator fees, incurred
as a result of you failing to provide Company with such notice.
4. Display
You agree to display any DorseyCard
received by you in a prominent and clearly visible place in one of
the following: your office or other usual and customary place of business,
your home or domicile, your hospital room, hotel room, prison cell
or any other place of current temporary or permanent occupancy, your
personal vehicle, or your place of interment. Such display shall begin
promptly upon receipt, and continue for a period of not less than
thirty (30) days. You agree not to restrict or hamper access to DorseyCard
by anyone expressing the desire to see, hold, touch, or otherwise
manipulate DorseyCard, unless and until you believe that the safety
and/or reputation of DorseyCard or Company is likely to suffer actual
or consequential damages as a result of such sight, holding, touching,
or manipulation. You agree to protect DorseyCard from pets and children,
and to faithfully preserve each DorseyCard for future enjoyment. Destruction
of, or failure to protect and defend a DorseyCard is sufficient to
establish a finding of non-favor by Company.
5. Response
You agree to respond promptly
and positively to Company upon receipt of any DorseyCard. Non-response
shall be sufficient to establish a finding of non-favor by Company.
6. Ownership
You agree that DorseyCard is
and remains the property of Company, regardless of whether or how
much you kissed-up to receive or view it. You agree to return any
and all DorseyCards received by you to Company promptly, and in good
condition, if and when requested by Company to do so.
7. Insurance
You agree to maintain a minimum
of $2 million "all-risk" catastrophic loss insurance on
any DorseyCard received, and will provide proof of same to Company,
on a form acceptable to Company, and accompanied by a basket of fruit.
8. Language
If any statement, definition
or term stated herein is challenged as being invalid, void, or unenforceable,
you agree to let us replace such language with something even more
difficult to comprehend which essentially says the same thing, but
which might be more legally acceptable.
9. Entire Agreement
This agreement supersedes any
and all agreements between the parties hereto with respect to the
delivery of DorseyCard, whether oral, written or implied. So there.
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